Layered throughout Scripture God the Father is seen as Pursuer - intentionally exhorting us into deeper and more meaningful relationships with Himself. He desires that none should perish (2 Peter 3:9) and is perfectly willing to chastise us should we flee. The Father makes very clear His love and desire to commune with us, Leviticus 26:11-13 and John 3:16.

Born into a Christian family, I accepted Christ "into my heart" when pretty young. While my understanding as a six-year-old boy was limited, my interest in learning more about Christ continued to grow. God rescuing me from the clutches of hell at such a young age would prove to be an exceptional example of His compassion and grace.

Expected where people are striving to follow the Lord, my parents' family became a heavy target for the enemy who, roaming about like a lion, seeks whom he may devour (I Peter 5:8). Sin took root, grew, and destroyed my parents' marriage. My estrangement from my dad and fear of trusting the Lord left me vulnerable to attacks of my own. Experiencing some sexual abuse by an older boy added a terrifying element to connecting to males of any age. Much easier it became to associate with girls and relish the nurturing comfort provided by my mother. Yet as I grew, the need to connect with men continued, creating a sense of turmoil I neither knew how to convey, or fix.

Soon same-sex attractions developed, feeling as though homosexual behavior would answer my need to connect with other men. How much I relate to Proverbs 14:12, "There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." Recognizing my behavior as dispicable to Christ, I fought to understand how He could love me - yet He remained faithful by allowing me to have a level of hope for freedom and healing. He knew that, had he taken the hope away, my life would have ended.

Soon, my sinful choices spawned an addictive lifestyle. I began a relentless search for answers through counseling, support groups, and residential programs. Yet with each new "answer" the victories were short-lived. In His love, God simply would not have me believe I could find freedom apart from Him. His chastising continued with severity as I became enmeshed in a sinful and emotionally dependent relationship. Daily I could feel God "pressing His hand against me" revealing how all my efforts were only producing tears and despair (Psalm 32).

In God's exceptional grace, He responded when I called, and did the most amazing things!

• He reminded me that the answers I sought were not found in my striving to understand sin better, but in striving to know Him better
• He began to walk me through daily Scripture reading that was not based on a program, but rather on a desire for me, personally, to have a deeper relationship with Him.
• He reunited me with brothers and sisters and taught me how to offer and receive love in Godly ways I never understood.
• He did not rid my life of temptations, but renewed my heart with joy, freedom, and trust found by depending on, and learning from Him.